I did not assume I’d find yourself in prison – it certainly wasn’t on my bucket list.
In 2016, at the age of 64, I was sentenced to 18 months in jail for taking money from my workplace to play the pokies.
I hadn’t had a dashing ticket or parking ticket earlier than that.
What I am about to let you know is not any excuse for breaking the regulation, however it can clarify how someone who had by no means in her life been charged with something ended up in this predicament.
I have experienced a lot of turmoil in my life. I’ve two boys to my first husband, but that marriage broke down. My second marriage ended badly too, with my husband leaving with out warning.
Truly, one of the worst instances of my life was when my boys shifted out of residence with their partners.
You understand as a dad or mum that this goes to happen finally, but nothing prepares you for the loneliness you feel when they’re gone.
Work was the factor that stuffed the void.
I fell in love – and into addiction
In my 50s, I was lucky sufficient to be working for a local council after i met the manager of an electrical firm who provided me a job working for him with extra pay.
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In his company I used to be the one particular person in the places of work, so my function was as a PA, accounts supervisor and shopper liaison.
I typically worked 12-hour days, especially if there was a big tender to put forward.
I started taking part in pokies with the supervisor of the company. I knew he only thought of me as a friend, however I fell in love with him.
I’d spend hours on the pokies with him, and if he was busy, I discovered myself going to the pokies by myself.
How silly I was again then to consider I was fantastic and never addicted.
I used to be consumed by the machines and wanted to know how they labored. (Ed Giles: ABC Information)
I might play for hours by myself and really rarely spoke to other folks, even when we had mentioned hello at one other time.
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I used to sit playing the machines, telling myself: “I can stop this any time I need” and “Actually, you never win”.
I’d even tell other people that they’d by no means get ahead if they performed this stuff.
I might get up in the morning and my first thought can be: “Which venue will I name into tonight for a play on my means home?”
I used to be consumed by the machines and needed to know how they worked.
I might sit and try and work out any sequence, so I may win a jackpot.
All my money went down the drain
I knew this was getting out of hand as I was now taking cash from the corporate each week to play or to cover some payments I had.
All my wages would be spent by the time I received paid.
I’d be sure I paid all my bills. I told myself this was coming out of my wages and the money I was taking was solely going into the machines.
It is superb how one can convince your self that you’re alright. You change into excellent at telling lies to other individuals.
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If my youngsters or my father rang me, I’d make excuses that I used to be out for dinner with some friends or simply up at the supermarket.
Over the weekends when i felt burdened or lonely, I’d take myself off to a venue and sit and play all day.
Generally I would win over $1,000 but I didn’t want it to be paid by cheque, and the limit on being paid cash was underneath $1,000, so I might keep taking part in.
This could flip into hours, with me ending up walking out with nothing.
Over time I wasted greater than $400,000 of the company’s cash. I don’t know how a lot of my very own money I blew via.
I used to be devastated
I have now learnt that these machines are extremely addictive and each time I believed I may cease, I was simply kidding myself.
In 2015, the boss’s daughter-in-law began working in the workplace with me and she found a discrepancy in the company accounts.
If I had stopped taking money when she started, they would never have came upon, but because I used to be so addicted to the pokies and had to go every day, I used to be unable to cease.
I was dismissed from work in August 2015 after thirteen years working the office.
I was charged by the police in early October, at the same time my father was dying. He passed away in late October.
I was devastated about my father, offended that I had bought myself into this position of stealing cash to gamble, and that i had no cash in the bank to stay on.
The decide sentenced me to 18 months in prison.
I’ve now learnt that these machines are extremely addictive and every time I thought I might stop, I was simply kidding myself. (Flickr: Carol Von Canon)
Prison rescued me
I spent my prison time mostly at a prison farm within the Victorian country close to Maldon.
I coped okay. The first month or so was horrific, Ybets Casino Online however I feel the farm saved me.
The most effective a part of going to prison was that I acquired the help I needed to stop gambling and it made me realise I was not alone. I met many different ladies that had the identical addiction as me.
This was in a small prison, which only had about 50 women inside, however we had a playing addiction group of seven ladies who had mainly misplaced money on the pokies.
There was also a lady in there who had misplaced $7 million on internet gambling.
The worst a part of going to prison was that I missed my pals and family – I’ve two married sons and six grandchildren.
Because I worked on the prison I earned an enormous sum of $forty per week, so I was in a position to call my household and pals and shout myself to a deal with at the canteen as soon as a month.
A photo of pokies would make me feel sick
Whereas I used to be in prison I received assist by means of counselling sessions with a Gamblers Help counsellor.
He helped me to realise that the machines are as addictive as taking medication or alcohol.
We worked on the the explanation why I performed the pokies on my own and started doing a thing called publicity therapy.
Exposure therapy is where you gauge your reaction to motion pictures and photos about pokies after being free from gambling for 12 months.
It may be arduous for anyone who has not been badly affected by these machines to understand just how harmful to the brain they’re.
At one stage simply looking at a photo of pokies would make me really feel bodily sick.
There was only a lot he could do when I used to be inside, but after my release I continued on with this therapy and have now accomplished the course.
This involved me going right into a venue with my counsellor and just looking on the machines.
The first time I entered a venue I couldn’t breathe and had to take away myself from the state of affairs.
It was troublesome to work by way of all the problems that these dreaded machines cause, but I’m completely satisfied to say that I can now go right into a venue, sit and have a meal with friends without wanting to play.
I survived only with the help of my counsellor and my help group. (Supplied)
Don’t struggle on your own
I am happy with how far I have come since 2015 and that i have not gambled since.
I now have hobbies that I love doing, which is something I never thought I would say – I have by no means been a pastime particular person.
I owe no cash as I paid the company again all the money I took.
I could not have much, but I now have my vanity again.
For those who or someone you know is struggling with this addiction, please do not try and battle it by yourself.
There is loads of help to be discovered, and speaking as somebody who has been there, I advise everybody to seek help early so no-one ever ends up in prison. I survived solely with the help of my counsellor and my support group.
This addiction will not be one that you could see.
I don’t have needle marks or stagger because I am drunk. It can be hidden from view. However the extra we are able to get the message to people like yourselves, the higher chance we’ve to succeed in these in want.
The stigma needs to be cleared so people feel safe speaking about their problems.
Carolyn Crawford has a volunteer speaking role with the Alliance for Playing Reform.
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